hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize