Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
