MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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