TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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