I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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