Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
