This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
