he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
