I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
