you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
