Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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