well you can't waste a boner
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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