Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
