i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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