even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
