take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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