He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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