So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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