My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
