Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
