We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.