We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..