if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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