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If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
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