Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
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I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.