From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
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was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
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Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom