since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?