let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
