she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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