i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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