i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
