Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
