I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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