The maid of honor just puked.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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