please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
