Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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