I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
