The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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