I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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