I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
