I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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