Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
