My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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