sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
