You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How external is "for external use only"?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
