I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Is it because I queefed?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
