ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
