I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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