There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
