my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
