True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
