Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
