I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
