Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
