turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
they're like a gay fantastic four
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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