oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
