please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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