What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
time to smoke my breakfast
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
