I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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