i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
