I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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