My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
