I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
