well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize