Umm I'm too high to move.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
