i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
