and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
