that's an acceptable place to lick
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
