Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
