btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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