I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
