Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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